Gentle Parenting in the Outdoors
Gentle parenting isn’t a novice concept. In fact, Indigenous peoples have been practicing it forever. Nonetheless, it is a parenting style that our generation wasn’t commonly raised with (which is why we perceive it as new!).
I think most of us can agree that we’d like to bring up our kids to be capable, emotionally-intelligent and kind human beings. Lots of that depends on the way we self-regulate, respond and connect with our children, which can seem borderline impossible when they’re about to hit the dog for the tenth time.
Nonetheless, here are some tips on how to keep your cool while out n’ about with your toddler.
Be prepared.
It’s quite likely for your child to have a meltdown if they’re feeling hungry, cold, tired… or a combination of all three (yikes!). Reduce the likelihood of one by packing snacks, water, layers and accessories to keep their little bodies fed and warm. If you plan to cruise up a trail, bring along a means with which to carry them in the event that they give up halfway through, such as a hiking backpack, a Trail Magik carrier or a chariot. This prep work beforehand can save you a lot of hassle!
Provide options.
Fun (but sometimes not so) fun fact about toddlers: Their brains are obsessed with control. Fair enough!…None of us enjoy being told what to do all the time. Try offering some age-appropriate power in order to help shift from pushback to collaboration. For instance: Instead of instructing them to put on their jacket, try asking them if they’d like to wear the blue one or the green one. When given options, toddlers are more likely to carry out the task that you have in mind since they’re the ones ultimately making a decision. And tah-dah!… You’ve got a kid who’s dressed, empowered and ready to go on an adventure.
Practice and model self-regulation.
Despite all the prep work to get you peacefully out the door, your toddler may very well have a tantrum about something or other along the way. Stop and remember: Tantrums are a normal part of their development. Equip yourself with coping mechanisms, such as mantra repetition, deep-breathing, or stepping aside for a minute to calm your nervous system before responding. Not only does this cool them down through the process of co-regulation, but it sets an example on how to do so. By seeing you do it, they’ll hopefully be able to adopt and implement these self-regulation techniques in the future.
Manage your kids reaction.
After taking a moment to regulate yourself, help them calm down as well. It’s important to note that this step comes down to your actions more so than your words. Believe it or not, your body posture, facial expression and tone can help a lot. Each child is different: some may need space, others a gentle back rub, or even a tight hug. You’ll quickly learn what works best for your child!
Validate the feeling.
Toddlers are still learning how to manage their emotions, control their bodies and communicate effectively. Once they’ve cooled down, you can help them out by naming and validating their feelings. “You’re mad. It’s okay to be mad.” This gives them the language they need to better identify their emotions in the future. Experts agree that learning to name feelings yields more emotionally-intelligent and resilient adults with a stronger sense of well-being. Additionally, it signalizes to them that you accept and love them despite whatever emotional state they’re in… And that means the world to them!
Set boundaries.
Follow this up by lovingly setting a boundary, if need be. “It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to hit your friend with that stick. I’m going to take it away to keep you both safe.” Teach them healthy ways to work through their feelings by use of words.
If you can tell they’ve got some built-up energy, you can flip it by commenting on the things they can physically do. For instance: “You can’t use the stick to hit, but you can use it to draw in the snow or as an arm for a snowman. Shall we build a snowman!?”. I find distraction often helps change the course of action!
Repeat, repeat… and repeat!
This is what it comes down to. A lot of repetition! Talking to friends, we often say: “When will they get it? How many times can I say ‘gentle’?”. The answer is: I don’t know… But we’ve all had to learn these things. They say breaking an old habit takes a lot of repetition, so why would it be any different for our children who are learning something from scratch. We’ve got to remember that they’re brand new to this world. They deserve our sympathy and guidance.
In a nutshell, gentle parenting is about respecting and connecting with our children (especially, when they need us most). We don’t always get it right - especially when we’re running on fumes - but we can always apologize, repair and try again.
Like me, you may plan to hike up a mountain with your newborn and toddler. My advise: Keep your expectations low in regards to the distance you’ll cover. Instead, focus on harnessing patience, regulating your nervous system and connecting with your kid(s) during your time outside. Who knows? Your toddler may surprise you by happily hiking up and down the mountain by themselves, making it a day for the books! You never know if you never try.
